The space in time

I have been concentrating for the last 6 months or so on renovating and designing a double space in Burntisland, Fife, and growing for myself a place within this interesting and thriving community. From taking over the space in September 2019 }(previously it was a shop called ‘Spiritual Oasis), I”ve been using my techniques of ‘bubbling up’ to allow its development to flourish under a ‘what now?’ basis. The space development represents for me an opportunity to be in control, other than circumstance, of the process. Even my interactions with those who have helped me to realise the ideas, both paid and unpaid, have been part of the process, allowing them to influence, and in some instances, completely change tack. My need for control of my own process comes from a lingering post traumatic trigger of hating others being in control of my body, my consciousness, or my life. While in many ways effects on these are outwit our control (“and boy has that been proven recently with the rise of coronavirus), I realised that I had to at least attempt to control something completely. I wanted the spaces to ultimately.

Well that has certainly been derailed now!

And yet, like some other people have been talking about, has this not in fact bought me a bit more time? Does it not feed back in to the control of the space. I had set up some things to take place, an exhibition and a pop up shop, and was feeling a bit free-wheeling about both. a kind of ‘well I have to get started sometime’ feeling that I was not entirely comfortable with. The exhibition (a joint one of the CFOS members, including myself), has been cancelled. the pop up shop, of artisan beer, has been postponed.

Now I can inhabit the space entirely at my own pace, and also, of course, entirely on my own for however many weeks/months this is going to take. I can create exhibitions in the windows, for those walking past to see, a gift for free of thoughts, and of free thoughts, unencumbered by any sense of ‘should’. I don’t really are what people think the space should be. I want to lead, not follow. I want to create something which those who are drawn to it will feel is a gift. And, strangely, this time is opening up all sorts of things for people’s expectations, or at least there is a potential for this to happen, and not to be righted again. a topsy turveyign perhaps. I want art to be as challenging as it wants to be, about subjects as serious as I want them to be, without feeling that i’m ‘too serious’ or whatever.